Disconnected Dots
Tuesday, April 12, 2011 at 11:54AM {Soundtrack: Pleasure Sighs, The Morning Benders}
I talked to a friend recently with whom I think we share the same desire: to see a happy ending. To know if this can all be cured, healed, understood, reconciled, and neatly fixed. To know that people with mental illnesses can find what they need to become healthy and functional in relationships. Because, in relationships we create connections,... with lovers and with the children created in those contexts. And when those relationships are are broken, abused, or required to be abandoned because the mental illness destroys it's fabrication- our humanity can all but hope to find a cure. To bring back the dream of what could have been.
"What has become, of those simple loves, that came to me once so naturally"
When I speak of mental illness, her and I were specifically exploring that of combat ptsd, tbi, and the ramifications of childhood abuse. This seems to be quite a combination we both had in common in our romantic relationship experience. To seek a cure for these I think is entirely possible, and by cure I mean healing. Healing meaning gaining skills to cope and live in healthy terms with others. But in my case I am beginning to wonder if there is deeper problem. Is it possible that there is a pathology underneath all of this, the back bone stringing a commonality to all the events that have occurred? 
Causing them to re-occur? Preventing healing? More than combat ptsd, but that an earlier childhood abuse pattern created a void of morals and values that became the mainstay in his mind? That all this time I was attracted to and compensated for this void? That would entail not the happiest ending. And indicates I am fighting a losing battle here,...
"Here I am again, trying to relearn how to breathe,
and how easy it sinks and slips away from me"
