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    Hope

    hope that no matter what difficulties arise in family, health, or finances, a family can survive it and get to the other side. 'How' is not just one response, rather it's an evolving idea. Solutions present themselves as you go along the path. As you seek the thing it is you want to achieve, so will an idea come to you. I do not attribute it to a god or a religion, though I may have one or both of those. This is life. Hope. Live with me,... 

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    Entries in divorce (2)

    Friday
    May042012

    Maybe

    I took the package we just received in the mail, written all over it- "do not bend, do not crush," and handed it to my wounded warrior husband. "I got this for you," I said. 

    We had just returned from a difficult lunch, it was the first time we took the service dog to our favorite Chinese restaurant, for one. They had no idea what to do with us and that dog. The other reason it was difficult was because we were discussing wether or not divorce would be a good option in light of all that had just occurred the previous seven days. 

    After returning from the area CrossFit Regional competition that lasted 3 days, he was a very upset veteran husband. It could have been the way people treated him while he was there. One guy just walked right up with a smirky attitude and said, "That's not a service dog, dude." Another could be the annoyed looks girls had with him cus' his dog's tail got in their way while they sat to watch the competition. Maybe it was the realization, starkly staring him in the face, that most all of these people have not had to live the life he has lived, and they were oblivious. Maybe it could be the memory he had of the last CrossFit event he attended, hearing the owner utter the words that 'He had helped veterans already, it was time to move on."(paraphrased) and how that upset him, and forever changed his opinion about the entire company. Maybe it was because the owner showed up there, and the sour taste was still in his mouth. Perhaps it was all of this, and the thought in the back of his mind that our relationship was so difficult, maybe it would be easier if we were apart. Maybe he was so exhausted from his 70 hour work week that all of these things were too much to handle. 

    The weekend that I so wanted was slipping away fast. I was hoping for some support my direction, I thought he would feel better getting out to see the athleticism and sport of it, I figured we could spend a few hours after my role there to chill and go eat together. No kids. Those times were rather spent working out all the problems the surroundings and his job were presenting. He never came back Sunday, he didn't stay to have dinner, and he didn't go home either. Instead he felt alone and exhausted and confused. He said things that exhibited his desperation and the weekend ended speaking to the Sheriff's Office about suicide call lines. This was the reality of my life. Limits.

    The day before he arrived to The CrossFit Regional, there was an accident that occurred at his place of work, his partner ended up in the hospital with minor wounds. All he could think was "I don't want this to happen to me" and "this reminds me of the war." Triggered. This, just a day after he overheard his bosses discussing my husband's limited ability to promote with a service dog at his side, pointing out he better be damn good for them to have that liability. Discrimination. On the same day that a neighbor called his boss about his truck being in the way of a sidewalk, instead of coming to us. This is the second time the same neighbor makes an outside call to complain about something in the last 2 weeks. When I approached her to let her know we were open to her coming to us directly, she closed the door in my face, citing my blog as being the reason she could not do that. Lack of compassion. All of this only 2 days after my daughter's seizure that lasted way too long and took her over 3 days to recover from. 

    Would you be ok? 

    I didn't think so..... neither am I. 

    I handed my husband that package, in it was his Silver Star Banner award to hang at his home, recognizing his sacrifice and service being wounded in a combat zone. Impeccable timing. 

     

    Tuesday
    May102011

    Oh Careless Love...

    I've found it. I've got the answer to the problems of relationships in the world. Maybe not all, but a most particular kind. You know, the pesky annoying, should vs want, wonderful romance? The answer that would make Dr. Laura Schlessinger sing with enthusiasm because it will keep us out of the pitfalls of hurting people because we fell in love with the "wrong person" or at the "wrong time" and brought kids into it. Helen Fisher reminds us anti depressants take away sex drive. "Everybody knows that," she says. And we are prescribing them for long durations of time, increasingly. What they also do is "kill your ability to fall in love and stay in love. When you drive up serotonin in the brain, which is what anti depressants do, you are suppressing the dopamine circuits. The dopamine circuits are the circuits associated with elation, obsessive thinking and feelings of romantic love. And again, when you kill the sex drive you no longer have orgasms, and when you no longer have orgasms you no longer have the rush of oxytocin and vasopressin associated with attachment." Winning? 

    All we need to do to avoid the pain and inconvenience of love is to not have it. And, there's a pill for that. No more lover's quarrels. No more adultery or bad timing. We can all become stoic and indifferent. Our children can see us always being practical and going through the motions of life dependably. Without the tyrannical waves of falling in and out of love, or creating divorces and infidelities. The traditional families' magic pill is here! We can raise children who feel more stable, less tossed by the currents of an adult's romantic love interests, or hell, even their own. Don't forget the side benefits of not being depressed, or feeling any other real human drive or emotion fully for that matter. 

    And in taking all of that away, do you realize, that's exactly what we don't need...

    "the enemy of love is not hate, it's indifference"