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    Hope

    hope that no matter what difficulties arise in family, health, or finances, a family can survive it and get to the other side. 'How' is not just one response, rather it's an evolving idea. Solutions present themselves as you go along the path. As you seek the thing it is you want to achieve, so will an idea come to you. I do not attribute it to a god or a religion, though I may have one or both of those. This is life. Hope. Live with me,... 

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    Entries in connecting (3)

    Monday
    Jun032013

    My Affair 

    There was a time, since 2004 after the war, that my husband was nowhere to be found. His physical body was around as much as he could stand, but really he was not here. I experienced this effect once we were settled in Austin after being discharged from the military. Suddenly I started feeling suffocated out of this life. We moved closer to my family, whom I quickly realized made me more miserable than happy with their ways of making me feel like I didn't belong. In conjunction with my husband leaving more and more each day: checked out of reality, randomly dissapearing, and emotionally detatched. I was raising four kids, literally, alone. My family was fighting me with every decision I made while I struggled to put my daughter in all of the therapy available to help her with her disability, and raise her 3 siblings. Slowly I melted away. I began to hide, isolate, and detach as much as I could get away with. I was caught between a really bad situation at home with a struggling husband who was unknowingly very sick, and an extended family that, really, did not want me. They say with their words they are there for you but don't back it up with their actions. I felt I had little choice, I could continue with this underlying deathwish that started at the age of 11 or 12 filled with temporal thinking and depression, or find a way to stay alive and cope until I figured out an answer to my situation.

    I found a way to stay alive, it involved being heard, it gave me someone to talk to, it returned to me a feeling of being connected and a sense of belonging. It echoed back to me sentiments of understanding. 

    I found you. And it saved me. My dalliances with writing my story to you slowly helped me return to myself, one letter at a time.  

    Saturday
    May072011

    PTSD Social Media

    Word needs to get out about the beautifully put together PTSD support app for iPhone and Android. Where the rise of twitter allowed some of us to blossom into new ways of communication and connecting, so is this app creating community for a niche group of users who may feel lost in the giant world of twitter. How easy is it to connect to a particular group of people by logging on to twitter or facebook? How overwhelming can that be?! Especially when we are talking about the sense of ptsd survivors,... small is good. Community is important. Valuable and accessible information is essential. I relate it to the days when twitter was a small community, mostly exclusive to early adapters. Connecting was simpler, communicating was much more fun, and information was easier to access. The sea was smaller and easier to swim in so to speak.

    Some of the resources this app provides include chat, people nearby feature, news, podcasts, videos, links, fan walls, and mailing lists. It is focused on providing support to military veterans and their families that are struggling with the effects of post traumatic stress disorder,.. "The resources are intended to not only support veterans and other soldiers, but also their wives, husbands, children, parents, and other family members that have been affected by PTSD in some way." 

    I cannot express to you what a spectacular breakthrough this tool is and how excited I am to see it, and it's users especially, grow and flourish by connecting to others. WOW. Praise for Kurt and The Hope for One PTSD App. 

    download free

    Other Veteran Resources here 

    Sunday
    Apr032011

    'Only Connect'

    “Listening is so close to being loved that most people can’t tell the difference”

     I have been thinking a lot lately about emotional intimacy and what line is drawn before it's considered "wrong" outside a marriage context. I have heard so many opinions on what is acceptable, what is not, what people should and should not share with someone who is not their spouse, etc, etc. And in my thoughts I have wondered how only one tiny person in the whole entire world is the only one on earth 'allowed' to hear you in the deepest most personal way, sharing your pain or your joys? Why is our only other acceptable option in some people's opinions, paying a therapist or speaking to clergy? So now our scope is down to three people- spouse, clergy, and a professional. Ok, maybe that's too limiting- some of us have good relationships with siblings and other extended family. But you and I know this has it's limits as well, there is politics in sharing with family. Words spread sometimes. There is also a teaching out there that certain things about your marriage should not be talked about or shared, even with same sex friendships, that somehow it takes away from the intimacy of the marriage. Is there not enough to go around?! Are we all not attempting to connect the spark of the soul within us to the same spark in others?

    Let me back up, I am simply speaking from my own experience. I do not have family relationships open for sharing, and because of the insidiousness of psychological abuse, isolated from friends for quite a long time. I also believed in this boundary crap as I over compensated for my spouses repeated sexual affairs. There are gender limitations put on marriages, and sharing personal information with someone of the opposite sex is automatically called out as and emotional affair. I know, in my fear I've called it! But really? Does it not depend on intention? Doesn't the person decide his boundaries, morals and values long before an encounter in a conversation? It's not just about what he/she 'looks' like he is doing. My point is a belief I hold strongly, our romantic relationships should be more friendly and our friendly relationships should be more intimate. We are all here to help each other, in different capacities, and closing that off for ourselves only hinders our growth. "Emotional connection reveals a heartfelt expansion born of a desire to faithfully and compassionately serve ourselves and other human beings. And sometimes that requires faith and trust on the home front, faith that there’s sufficient love and care to go around." 

    Mark Brady wrote an entire article on it this week, and all I want to do is copy and paste this whole story to you,... but what you should do is go over there and read it. It is exactly everything I really wanted to say, put in very clear way...

     On Being Emotionally Unfaithful

    "It’s heart, mind, body and brain attempting to connect and expand fearlessly so as to do what it needs to in order to be fully present in any moment. Unfortunately, the process sometimes gets seriously side-tracked by genitals."

     *quotes, Mark Brady