It’s been a week now since my husband threw up out the car window on a drive home from the grocery store where we purchased our shabbat food to prepare. I ordered pizza instead.
Our shabbat felt diviided and cold because I can’t cook for people I’m mad at, and I was so angry at him.
His habit of puking that week lead me to believe there was something going on I didn’t know. And there was. An agreement in our relationship to stay clean from any drug use and alcohol, broken.
So I lay here trying to get the motivation to visit shabbat dinner again, one Friday later. Nothing is resolved yet, but it’s not contentious either. We have help through this but I just don’t want to care. I have no idea where this is heading, or how it will turn out. I just know right now feels like yuk.