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    hope that no matter what difficulties arise in family, health, or finances, a family can survive it and get to the other side. 'How' is not just one response, rather it's an evolving idea. Solutions present themselves as you go along the path. As you seek the thing it is you want to achieve, so will an idea come to you. I do not attribute it to a god or a religion, though I may have one or both of those. This is life. Hope. Live with me,... 



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    Entries in alcoholism (1)


    Losing or Finding? 

    A long walk today took me down the path of my most recent news, such that I am almost becoming numb to given the past few years. I started this journey of realization in 2004 when I finally admitted to myself the extramarital affairs and drug use of my spouse were re-occurring and I needed to be worried about my future and health. Since we embarked in couple's therapy and individual counseling. Since I have watched my spouse learn about his substance abuse being a way to self medicate for trauma, combat trauma, abuse, un-diagnosed post traumatic stress disorder and un-diagnosed traumatic brain injury. Since, I have watched him progressively turn to better forms of treatment and slowly walk his way out of unhealthy coping strategies. He received his diagnosis from the veterans administration finally and supplements with medication for his combat ptsd. Now he hardly drinks at all, and may have been clean for a couple of months. How does this explain his other behaviours? I don't know, there is a lot of upbringing mixed into all of this I am not disclosing that could be a huge contributor. 

    Yesterday it was suspected by one of his support team members that he is most likely dealing with more than ptsd and tbi. Add to the list attention deficit disorder and dyslexia. How could I not know this for 15 years? Was he just really good at hiding it or was I just really bad at seeing truly what reality was? Was it covered by everything else or created by the things he used to cope? Does the spiral ever end? I grapple with the neverending difficulties and his recent lost work wondering if he is just beyond any skill set to work again. But more so, can I really do this anymore... 


    Soundtrack : Keep Breathing, Ingrid Michaelson