"Anger always comes from frustrated expectations"- Elliot Larson
Three weeks ago, our family suffered another job loss. The third in a year. Three weeks ago, we found out my father in law has stage four colon cancer, he is fourteen hours away. Three weeks ago we received our home loan modification contract that took a year and a half to process, based on the income we just quit bringing in.
I have a lot to learn about family, and how they adjust in adverse times. One cannot just dig their heels in and hope the other fixes it all. We have before us lots of re-negotiating to do. My previous expectations are sailing out the window as I watch and I am having to re-evaluate the roles in our home. Based on skills, health, ability, time allowable, and cost of who can sustain our financial needs best is what we need to look at. Do we share the burden, does one or the other do it all and someone stay home,... what do we do? Logic doesn't always make sense in these cases as people sift through childhood upbringing, desires, dreams, expectations, fears, and loss issues. No, this is a monumental process that is hard work to undertake. And we have support during this undertaking,...
One of those said supports is my qi gong teacher and acupuncturist. In session he asked "Are you up for some real strong points today?" I said yes. Needles inserted, into meditation, and I am breathing grounding, and trying to let thoughts pass through and go. What kept coming up was expectations, what I had thought our family would be when we first got married, how I thought my husband was indestructible and would never have health problems,...and I had to release them. Now was the time. My heart swelled up, I teared as I meditated, and I envisioned my husband young and strong, and then I let it go. This continued with other things in my life, breathing out and letting predetermined desires be released. Control is such an illusion, we have none. As I came out of my time, I hadn't realized how heavy it felt upon my heart and shoulders... as if a steel rod was sitting across my chest. I had to gather a bit and re-enter my day. Afterwards I asked my teacher "What are the centers you stimulated, and what do they mean?" He replied, "The needles in the palms of your hands lead to your heart, wherein heartbreak is held and releases...."