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    Hope

    hope that no matter what difficulties arise in family, health, or finances, a family can survive it and get to the other side. 'How' is not just one response, rather it's an evolving idea. Solutions present themselves as you go along the path. As you seek the thing it is you want to achieve, so will an idea come to you. I do not attribute it to a god or a religion, though I may have one or both of those. This is life. Hope. Live with me,... 

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    « This Is Real Life | Main | Tolerence »
    Monday
    Nov082010

    Connectivity

    I came home after I met her and cried six years worth of relief. My heart lifted and released its anxiety of loneliness. I moved here in 2004 with a child who has multiple disabilities. It is 2010, and until today I had not found a friend to truly connect with, a support group centered around our unique struggles, or a compassionate soul to confide in. That is entirely too long of a time. It was not for lack for trying, believe me. I tried it all. It just wasn’t happening. This is not just an experience, for the community here it is a tragedy.

    There were therapists, professionals, doctors, teachers, school administrators, un-supportive family that provided more resistance than understanding, bouts of meeting friends that either excluded me based on religion, education preference, or used drugs and partied too much. I walked away from all of these. Not my fit, and I refused to take less than I expected. I knew what friends were supposed to feel like. They don’t talk behind your back, they don’t judge your every move, they don’t exclude and they don’t use you merely for their gain. And professionals are not your friends. They provide you a service, and they leave. Counselors must be paid to hear your problems or you don’t matter.

    For six years I watched my husband fall away from me in his mental illness, my un-connectivity repeat itself attempt after attempt, long distance friends become as far away spiritually as our move created physically…. and myself was all I had left. I could have lost myself in these circumstances , I fought not to. I was all I had. I carried this family emotionally, alone. I was not even sure I could trust in a creator or higher power to really be there anymore. Was that even real to me?

    Isolated.

    She was a breath of fresh air, no, more than that. She was oxygen to my soul. Even in this moment I am in such shock, processing in my head that it’s actually really happening. Paralyzed to yet reciprocate, I marvel at the miracle of friendship, love, support, care, concern, compassion, and companionship. She held both my hands in between us as I told her in a bit of despair  ”oh my daughter,…. oh and myhusband!,…” and she said,

    ” you are not alone…”


    Reader Comments (5)

    "You are not alone..." If there are better words in this universe, I don't know what they are. Did you realize you embody that concept yourself, Amber, with your willingness to share what you are experiencing? Bravo to you for that; for you to receive it in kind is rightful, fitting, and well deserved.

    November 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJoe Williams

    I wish I could hug you everyday!! You are not alone; don't ever give up. You are an inspiration to me. I love reading your blog and it has made me want to be a better friend to you & others. Your honesty is refreshing. Love ya, vm aka @willsmom

    November 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterVanessa

    Good read, do look forward to a talk..

    November 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGregory Phillips

    And you should know that I cried after I met you and, for the first time in years, felt as if someone truly understood what I was saying... and cared. We all need friends like that, and we need to be friends like that.

    February 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGloria

    Gloria,.
    I feel the same way about you. So glad we are connected. <3

    February 5, 2011 | Registered CommenterAmber Austen

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